Rockin it or Rockette'n it?
I’m not sure what pisses me off more, when mediocre gimmick bands hit it big or when bands blatantly ripoff other bands schtick.
The Jonas Brothers suck harder than a black hole in the Hoover factory. They really do. And they are completely plug and play. Meaning, you could easily unplug one of them and pluck any kid from a jr. high music program to replace him. Hey guys. I can play C-Em-D-G on my guitar. Should I just show up and start playing or is there a more formal process?
Or maybe I should swing by the mall first. You know, to pick up some ladies skinny jeans from The Limited and maybe I can swing by the set of the TV show BLOSSOM and borrow some vests. For the sake of not having to address any of them personally, I’ll just refer to the Jonas Brothers as a whole and call them Jonas. Jonas, who dresses you? Is it your mom? Grandma Jonas? I’d ask if your stylist was retarded, but I’m sure I’d get a pretty hateful email from Corky.
And speaking of hateful email, how many do you get from the Hanson brothers? OR did they decide to box up their crapnasticness and sell it to the highest bidding brothers? I can only assume that Jonas paid Hanson in hair products and homemade brother on brother porn.
Speaking of, did any of you tap Hannah Montana like a pony keg? You can’t spend months on end with a teenage chick and not achey-break her off. Shit. I’d have sent cellphone pics to her dad to piss him off. Who knows? He might have sent similar pics back. Billy Ray and Miley do seem a little too goo-goo for each other.
Just a quick recap: Jonas….you suck. Am I jealous? Maybe a little, but it’s just my inner rockstar longing to take a huge musical dump on scads of teenage girls that have yet to develop any real musical taste.
And another thing…..I hope that the ghosts of Lennon and Harrison start haunting you, Jonas, for your Tara Reid botched surgery style half ass effort cover of “Hello, Goodbye”. Don’t be surprised if Ringo shows up to violate you all gruesomely with a drumstick.
Dig Deep!
6 Comments
August 3, 2008 at 10:52 am
I think this is an excellent example of everything old is new again, only in this case, everything old is kind of new again.
There obviously has to be an evolution in music, or else nothing interesting would ever happen.
New Kids on the Block > Backstreet Boys > *N Sync
Hanson > Jonas Brothers
Tiffany > Britney Spears > Christina Aguilera
Spice Girls > Pussycat Dolls > Girlicious
You also have to remember that for every manufactured pop act, there needs to be a gimmick. The cute one, the shy one, the older one, the bad boy, etc. and all of those band, plus so many others, have that.
All originality in the world of Pop and Top 40 has vanished.
August 8, 2008 at 4:04 pm
You have managed to say all things most people are thinking about the jonas brothers. Their a joke and an insult to music.
September 27, 2008 at 11:10 am
That was the greatest thing I have ever read. I love you!
October 1, 2008 at 10:51 am
that was the most low life thing i have ever read i mean seriously do u not have anything better to do rather then to bag out the jonas brothers i mean dude they are awsome coming from a fan i hate ure guts but y would u just say somthing like that and u other people ota be ashamed of ureselfs how do u sleap at night
i hope that the jonas brothers turn up at ure door step and bad mouth u and then i wish they came to my house and thankd me and bye the way i am a boy and im not gay
October 1, 2008 at 10:54 am
u should all be ashamed of ure selvs i mean what did they do to u
i wish they would show up on ure door step and bad mouth you
and then i wish they came to my door step and thankd me
and by the way i am a boy and im not gay
October 13, 2008 at 2:01 pm
If its so easy to be a famous rockstar, requiring no talent and no fashion sense than go be a rockstar and let some retard blog about how dumb you are!